I am in my element. Somedays, I pinch myself, really. I am getting paid (albeit not enough) to work doing what I love, in a career I was meant for.

Two years ago now, I was about to turn thirty and completely miserable. I had worked in a field that depressed me (health care) in a job I felt guilty doing (bill collection from sick people), time passed by slowly in my cubie. I remember feeling so.....bored. My bills were paid on time, I had health insurance and I had my two weeks off a year to jet set abroad. Then I did what so many film professionals have done (our shared story) I quit the life I didn't want and I chased after a dream.

I remember after I told my dad I was moving to LA and going to film school, he said abruptly -"But you have health insurance". So, I left. I packed up, moved out-being a Northern California girl at heart it was hard adjusting to Los Angeles. Now, I am here-two years exactly to when I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE turned from a complaint to action.

So, now I take stock in my life. I have a huge student loan debt, no health insurance and unsteady employment and I am completely OK with that. I am on the path I was meant to be on. I am working on my first feature and building my credits slowly but surely. Someday I hope there are no pauses between gigs, no late bills, no almost getting a non-industry job (cross fingers I have not had to do that yet since graduating from film school).

My dad still thinks I'm nuts, I think he always will and that is perfectly alright by me.

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
Edith Wharton

I have come upon a unique discovery in my thirty-second year. I don't feel that I have come upon divine intervention, or that any one person helped to enlighten me. In fact, it was as ordinary a discovery as finding a piece of jewelry long thought lost or coins in my couch. I need to live my life creatively. I am an artist.

I fought for years against it. I told myself it was not practical and that I had to find a "real" occupation. I told myself that jobs, men and lifestyles were comfortable and therefore, secure. This false sense of security led to years spent in limbo. I am not one to regret or lay blame. I am the person that I am today for the choices that I have made. It is in that realization that I found my calling. I make the choices and I live with the consequences.

For years I denied my imaginative self. All of my creative abilities stayed under lock and key. I told myself I was not good enough, not smart enough, not.......enough. I locked up my heart so tightly that somewhere along the way I forgot that I was the only one in possession of the key.

In this past year I have changed homes, cities and careers. I now live each day exciting upon awakening. I am exhilarated and in a state of constant learning. I feel "home" for the first time in my life and in the true sense of the word. I am home within my own heart. I am the woman that I have made myself out to be. I know that I can face the future with a sense of responsibility over my own behavior and actions. I will seek out to live and work creatively.

I have no idea what tomorrow may bring and that is perfectly fine with me.

Now, if I could only find those coins.................